None who have always been free can understand the terrible fascinating power of the hope of freedom to those who are not free.
– Pearl S. Buck
I chose to review this chapter because it is imperative for a woman to know that she can leave her partner. It is never too late to do so. There will come a point when her abuse and situation become too much. However there are risks. Statistics that we have read in this course have shown us that leaving an abuser can make things worse. A woman is more likely to be stalked and killed after leaving an abuser. This means that it is very important to provide victims with as many tips and resources as possible.
Bancroft suggests creating a safety plan before and after you leave your abusive partner. If you suspect your partner could become violent create this plan before your partner becomes abusive to avoid having no options. Selected points of Bancroft's are listed below:
Before Leaving:
*Plan different escape routes from your house in case your partner becomes violent, and plan where you would go if you needed to stay overnight.
*Hold spare car keys and important documents in places they are safe and you can grab them quickly.
*Try to get out of dangerous places during arguments, such as the kitchen where there are weapons or rooms that you can become trapped in such as bathrooms and closets.
*Set code words with friends or relatives ad with your children that indicate an emergency, and plan how they are to respond if you say the code word in person or over the telephone.
*Call the abused woman's hotline if you are afraid, and call the police if danger is immediate.
After Leaving an Abuser/Potential Abuser:
*Change the locks on your home.
*Inform your neighbors and coworkers of the potential danger to you.
*Tell your children not to talk to the abuser and to seek assistance immediately if they see him.
*Inform the local police department and your children's school of your situation.
*Teach your children to dial 911 from home and from a cell phone.
*Very the routes that you and your children travel.
This video was made in partnership with Allstate Insurance Foundation. It is the story of one woman's life leading up to and leaving her abusers.
New Beginnings for Domestic Violence Survivors: This is an article by the United Methodist Women about a program in New Mexico, New Beginnings, that assists women who have recently left a domestic violence relationship.... http://new.gbgm-umc.org/umw/response/articles/item/index.cfm?id=272
www.leavingabuse.com : This site is the story of one woman's escape and how she executed it. What I like best about this site is that the woman does not tell other women to just leave their partners but rather tells them how to plan to leave their partners. This also meant that it took time and that leaving was not a one step process. She realized that it was important to do things well and correctly to ensure that she would not have to return to her abusive partner.
http://www.divorcesource.com/shelters/idaho.shtml : This web page provides a list of shelters specific to Idaho. The shelters are listed alphabetically by city.
The following is a song by Jack Johnson called "Dreams be Dreams." It is about a girl who wants to leave her relationship but doesn't seem to be able to so leaving is just a dream.
"Dreams Be Dreams" Lyrics:
She's just waiting for the summertime when the weathers fine
She could hitch a ride out of town
And so far away from that low down good for nothing mistake making fool
With excuses like baby that was a long time ago
But that's just a euphemism if you want the truth he was out of control
But a short times just a long time then your mind just won't let it go
Well summer came along and it then was gone and so was she
Not from him because he followed her just to let her know
A dreams a dream
And all this livings so much harder than it seems
But girl don't let your dreams be dreams
You know this livings not so hard as it seems
Don't let your dreams dreams
Your dreams your dreams be dreams
